The other day Adelaide and I were in the store. She was smiling at everyone who walked by (she always does). An older woman stopped me to say that my baby was very happy. I hear this a lot. She then asked me if I "stay home" with her. "Yes I do" I replied. "It means everything to me". The woman told me that it was a very important job that I am doing, and that she knows that is why Adelaide is such a happy girl. That made me feel so good. It's nice to know that there are people out there that see the value of being a good mother, and that for some people that is the only identity that you need.
Let me start by saying that I used to "hate" Dr. Laura. My boss would listen to her at work and I would always groan and ask to change the station. Something happened though, I got older and wiser, or just decided to actually listen to what she was saying and learn from her. Now I really like her. Yes she is harsh - and mean sometimes, but she is almost always right. It's weird to admit that - but it's how I feel these days. She has really changed my views on a lot of things - the most important at the moment being the fact that I am a stay at home mom.
She even has a book about it now called In Praise of Stay At Home Moms. She is basically just celebrating all of the reasons that SAHM's are good. I am a SAHM on purpose. We sacrifice so that I can be. YES we have a tiny little house, YES we only spend $100 a week on groceries and $20 a week each on anything fun or what we need like clothes etc.... YES sometimes I feel poor, but it really is so worth it. Getting to be with Adelaide every day makes it worth all that it cost us. I get to be there to see her first laugh, her first cough, her first steps (one of these days). I get to teach her everything I know. I get to focus on what we need to do each day to be happy and also learn. I don't have other things bombarding my brain and taking me away from her mentally. I get to be PRESENT with my daughter in every aspect of the word. We have time to play and have lots of fun.
Some of my mom friends admit that it's "easier" to go to work, and I do believe them. It's not easy to keep a baby occupied and happy all of the time. It's not easy to be cooking and cleaning up after someone all day long. I just can't imagine the alternative. Having someone else raise my baby is not for me, I didn't have babies for that reason. I love being a mommy, and I am so thankful I've had this time to be with her. I'm hoping that my little photo business keeps us afloat so that we don't have to look at other alternatives when our savings is gone, but I know that no matter what, I want to be with Adelaide for all of her waking hours. I can get a night job if I must, but I want her to know that I'm always here to hold her if she gets hurt or needs a hug, or someone to sing her a song. And hey - at least a tiny little house is easy to keep clean! =)
I have to add that I would NEVER be able to do this without Myles. He is so supportive and helpful with everything. He works so hard, and then comes home and makes us dinner and spends time with Adelaide. He never gets a break either, I don't know what I would do without my love.
Also I think I feel like I do because of the way I was raised. My dad raised my sister and I , and we never had a babysitter or daycare. He took us to work with him, and everywhere else with him if we weren't in school. It made us 3 a very close family, and I know it's because of him that I don't believe in daycare too.
5 comments:
Thanks Alisha, that was a nice read during a break. Adelaide is who she is because of you and the time you spend with her. I just can't wait to hear "Who Loves Broccolli?" and "You brush your teeth..." as duets.
Alisha, I enjoyed reading this and I am so happy Adelaide is so happy and has such a great mommy. I am currently having an inner battle because of the whole working mom vs. stay at home mom. Currently I stay home and I love being with Olivia. But, I am also working toward a degree so I can be a college professor one day. I agree that it is important for a mom to be 110% involved with her children. BUT, I do not believe that staying home makes a mother BETTER, or more in touch. I think that the attachment and involvement is based on the mother's devotion and the fact that the child feels it wherever her mama happens to be. Some people CANNOT stay home with their children. It would not just be a sacrifice, it would be unrealistic. Some moms have to work to survive, to pay bills, and to help keep their family afloat. Other women CHOOSE to work and to further themselves as professionals and also choosing motherhood. My mom was a working mom because she loved her career and also because she was the primary breadwinner for our family. She made more money. I had a comfortable childhood with an amazing nanny and two very attached parents who did everything for my sister and I. I do not feel like I was raised by a nanny. I feel my mom taught me everything I know, she was a queen to me as a child. I praised her. However, sometimes I did wish she would stay home with me. It is such a delicate balance, and some women can achieve it. I know that being a homemaker is a big job, and I respect it. But, we also have to give a hand to the wonderful mothers who get up every day and work outside the home to provide a good life for their families.
Sorry I wrote a novel as a comment. I just have been thinking about this and wanting to share my experience. I love having you as a blog buddy :)
A total stranger summed it up best for me:
Enjoy this time with your baby.
It comes but ONCE
and is both Swift and Brief......
She will never be tiny again, and it will happen before you know it. So maybe all of my interest in being a SAHM is selfish on my part, but I want to soak up every minute of her while she will let me =)
I can continue my own life when she is older, but for now I am dedicated to her. I LOVE to hear other views about this. I love to consider other ideas. I do NOT believe that some people don't have a choice however, you can downsize and you can budget. It's not forever and if you really want to, you can find a way.
I enjoyed reading this post and comments. I completely agree with you Alisha that childhood is brief and the best thing you can do for your child is stay home with them full time. We rent a townhouse with 4 kids so that I can stay home with them and I wouldn't have it any other way. We are finally buying a house now but we waited and sacrificed for 5 years. We rarely go out to eat, I shop at garage sales and discount stores but mostly people give us hand me downs. We make these sacrifices for our children because we want to raise them. Just like you said, we didn't have kids for somebody else to raise them. I have had to swallow my pride over the years but my Faith teaches me that it is good for my soul to be humbled. In the end what is important is the memories that you make with your children and the character you develop in them. All of these "things" will pass away.
I am commend the sacrifices you make for Adelaide, you are a wonderful mommy!
Dear Alisha,
this is a fantastic post, I read it with great pleasure and interest. I think being a SAHM is the best what you can give to your baby. I was with Gaia from the moment she was born and when my maternity ended I decided not to go back to work and stay longer at home with her. However, moving back to London left us with no choice- we both need to work to provide for our family. I know that if we have stayed in Genoa I could have been full time mommy for longer but we were so unhappy there and Gaia had so little stimulation there, we don't regret starting all over in England. But as I said, I had to go back to work but we did compromise a bit: I only work during weekends which means that I am with Gaia whole week and Corrado stays with her Sat/Sun (He works Mon-Fri). This way I am sure that she's safe and happy as I can't imagine leaving her with a stranger. I believe that even the best nanny in the world can't give your child what you can give as a parent: the unconditional love and the best ways of growinng up possible.
It is hard, I know. It is a struggle sometimes. We can't afford many things. What is worse, we hardly see each other these days (me and C.) but we have learnt to appreciate our time together better and now we know how really strong we are as parents and partners.
Yes, it is difficult but seeing Gaia's happy face every single day, waking up with her in our bed, having long walks in the park, going to playgrounds and visiting her friends, listening to her baby-talk and singing- it all makes that struggle worth it. I wouldn't change it for the best job in the world.
Going back to work was a must for us but I couldn't imagine going full time. When I'm away from her on Sat/Sun I MISS her so much and I just can't wait to be back home to kiss her and hug her and give her my breast.
It is so good to see Adelaide again (I don't have much time for internet these days). She's grown so much and she looks so healthy and happy. You are a fantastic mommy Alisha!
I am going to update Gaia's blog soon- lots of photos to share. She has changed a lot too.
Kisses and hugs my Friend for you and your beautiful Family. Let's keep in touch,
Kasia
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